Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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