I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
