I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
