When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
