I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
