theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
