Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
