I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
