And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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