So drunk its hurt
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
