I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
