I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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