if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
