i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
