i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
