can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
