she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
