I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
