she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
