The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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