well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
