the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
