I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
