i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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