you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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