i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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