you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
