What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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