You smell like stripper and shame
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
