Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
