Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
