Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
