I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
