I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
