does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
