Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
