We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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