There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
