I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
