We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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