This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have fence marks all over my body
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
