Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
