I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
