he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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