U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
