She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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