fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she was so not down for the gang bang
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I want a musical about memes.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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