i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm determined to sit on that face.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
