paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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