So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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